Not Productive Enough

Man, I'm trying, I'm just not making it.

I had all these grand plans for this weekend and I've already gotten off to a crappy start. For starters, tonight I was going to power thru for about 3 hrs and bust out a document I need for work soon-ish. so what happened when I got home? I tried to stay awake for a while on "mental break" from work for a bit so that I wasn't just a complete zombie, but I hardcore fell asleep until 9:30. So, while I was supposed to be done with it by then, I haven't even started.

I was also going to call stores until I found that carries Organic Valley dairy products. I called a whopping one store during my mental break before I fell asleep. Lame. But I think Whole foods will carry it and I will be calling them tomorrow at 8 when they open to verify. I haven't had milk in the house in a week and it's driving me crazy! I want my milk! WF's website had a coupon for OV milk, so that is promising, but it was on their main site and not the site for the specific store local to me, so I'm not completely sure.

Just in general, I'm struggling to maintain a high level of productivity tho. It's like every task on my list has been all willpower and a lot of effort. I want to do so much, but only have a limited amount of time. Especially with my job being intense with this big project I'm working on. I only have so much will / spirit / energy leftover after work to devote to taking care of my family outside of fulfilling the bulk of the financial burden (not that it's a contest by any stretch, and my hubby definitely puts in plenty of hours at his job. My job is very mentally taxing tho.).

My tomato seeds are almost ready for drying and storing, which is nice. I got a random (but tasty!) tomato from the craigslister I bought my containers for my balcony garden from and also some pear tomatoes (small yellow tastiness) from my husband's uncle. I'm hoping some of them actually pan out. I think they will because a good number of the random tomato seeds are all at the bottom of my watery moldiness and maybe 1/2 to 1/3 of the seeds from the pear tomatoes are. It should be enough to get my 3-5 plants going. We're only talking maybe 8 seeds need to germinate.

I still need to get my dirt. I want to start composting (hubby is against it, have to try to talk to him at some point about why I'm doing all these hippie things). Need to actually get a schedule for dropping off recyclables (hubby is neutral, but unsupportive, and I can't just take it myself. See 3 paragraphs down from here.). I am pricing out my organic seeds for the spring. I am planning to start ordering them from this month's food budget since it IS a new month and I can.

I've been checking every day for postings on craigslist and freecycle for canning supplies, but nothing yet. I am hoping sometime before April I will find a canner / canning supplies. But that's like 6 months so I feel like that is doable.

My avocado seed is sprouting (his root just stuck his tongue out at me!) and I just planted my second one. I need to get my dirt soon because I've got all my seeds squeezed into such a tiny tight space / small amount of dirt that very soon they will kill each other fighting over it. Another thing where I need hubby for since he is the one with the driver's license.

Speaking of, one of my goals this year, before winter sets in mind you, was to get my license and I still haven't done it! I'm so upset about this because I feel so trapped sometimes. I know we only have one car but I still hate it. I am just going crazy. I want to leave when I want to leave. I want to drive when I want to drive. I hate having to bother him from whatever he's doing just so I can go to the store or window-shop or go to the park or visit with friends.

I was going to talk to hubby about all this stuff tonight but he had to work late and then asked if he could go hang out with friends. Which, how could I say no? He's already... Oh I dunno.

Sometimes I just don't know what to do.

Tomorrow will be better.